Original Usenet thread from alt.ascii-art, started 22 Mar 1995.
Searching for Marx Brothers
alt.ascii-art
· 10 messages · 22 Mar 1995 - 29 Mar 1995
Avrom Finkelstein (yu1...@laurel.yorku.ca) wrote:
: Hi, does anyone know of a site where I can find some marx bother humor?
| o | ___________________ | o |
| o |/ \| o |
| o | The | o |
| o | | o |
| o | Groucho Marx | o |
| o | | o |
| o | Fan Club | o |
| o |\___________________/| o |
| o | ___________________ | o |
| o |/ \| o | -cfbd-
| o | | o |
| o | Reprise | o |
| o | | o |
" I resign. I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me
as a member "
- Groucho Marx ( Attributed )
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-Julian Visch-
" Blood's not thicker than money. "
- Groucho Marx ( Double Dynamite )
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\ |--| |--| / after -Mike-
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`--'-----`--'
" Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. "
- Groucho Marx ( A Day at the Races ).
******
* *
*((((((((((((@))*
*((( ((())*
*(((( ^ ^ (())))*
* ((((( @ | @ ((())))*
* (((((( w ((()))))*
(((((( ******* ((()))))*
**********************************
* THANKS A LOT ! *
**********************************
/ \
/ \
/ \
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\\/\/\/\\/\ -unknown-
| | |
##############( -- ) --)##############
" Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is
probably more than she ever did. "
- Groucho Marx ( Duck Soup ).
+-------------+--------------+-------------------------------+
| o o o o | <o o> | Just because we disagree |
| <><><> <> | /-+-- --+X | doesn't mean I have to kill |
| |||||| || | /> <\ | you, unless I want to. |
+-------------+--------------+-------------------------------+
-unknown-
" I cannot say that I do not disagree with you. "
- Groucho Marx
______________
/ \
@(___) ------ (___)
@
@
@ /----\
@ / o o \
@ | [] |
@ @|___~~~~___| after -Marilyn Cox, et al-
_____________________________________________________________________
"Room service? Send up a larger room"
- Groucho Marx
*8o,
8 : 8
8 : 8
8 : 8 |~~\_____/~~\__ |
-cfbd- 8 : 8 _____________________ \N1____====== )-+
8 : 8 ~~~|/~~ |
8 : 8 ()
8 : 8
,8o,"' aircraft by
// -Wil Dixon-
~~
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a bananna."
- Groucho Marx
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"I must say that I find television very educational. The minute
somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book."
- Groucho Marx
'Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an
institution?'
- Groucho Marx
"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth
shut and his checkbook open." - Groucho Marx
Quote: I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
You Bet Your Life banter (got censored, no copy exists, but true story)
Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?
Mrs. Smith: Yes, thirteen.
Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?
Mrs. Smith: Well, I love my husband.
Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth
once in a while.
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/\\_\_.-----.___ _.._
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___________| _*/__*/_ \_
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/ ____________ \
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/ | /` /` | \
| [ ]=[ ]' |
/ | / | \
| -- |
/ |____________| \
/ \
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Outside of a dog, books are a man's best friend;
inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
----------------------------------------------------------------------
" The Marx Brothers produced a (relatively forgettable) film called
'A Night in Casablanca.'
Warner Brothers sent Groucho a memo saying that they owned the
rights to the name "Casablanca," and they would sue him for
infringement.
Groucho promptly fired back with a memo that the Marx Brothers had
been brothers longer than Warner Brothers, and *they* were
countersuing for infringement..." -- Andrew Roazen
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Lydia Oh Lydia, Oh have you met Lydia
Lydia the Tattooed Lady (*)(*)
She's got eyes that men adore so ) .(
And a torso even more so..... ( v )
\ |/
- Groucho Marx
--------------------------------------------------------------------
====================================================================
| o | ____________________ | o |
| o |/ \| o |
| o | The | o |
| o | | o |
| o | Groucho Marx | o |
| o | | o |
| o | Fan Club | o |
| o |\____________________/| o |
| o | ____________________ | o |
| o |/ \| o |
| o | | o |
| o | No. 5 | o | -cfbd-
| o | | o |
" Those are my principles.
If you don't like them I have others. "
- Groucho Marx
## ## ## ##
(@ (@ @) @)
\ /
##### | | #####
~\_====+ +====_/~
-Ian Broverman- -Ian Broverman-
====================================================================
In <3kolv3$fk...@southern.co.nz> Col...@equinox.gen.nz (Colin Douthwaite) writes [to say nothing of depicts]: > > | o | ___________________ | o | > | o |/ \| o | > | o | The | o | > | o | | o | > | o | Groucho Marx | o | > | o | | o | > | o | Fan Club | o | > | o |\___________________/| o | > | o | ___________________ | o | > | o |/ \| o | -cfbd- > | o | | o | > | o | Reprise | o | > | o | | o | > > >" I resign. I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me > as a member " > > - Groucho Marx ( Attributed ) > If I'm not mistaken, he was speaking, if in fact he spoke, of the Hillcrest Country Club, the top Jewish country club in LA/Hollywood. In which connection, Danny Thomas appeared on the Johnny Carson show at the time with the integration movement was big in the news. He belonged to a restricted Christian country club, but most of his best golfing buddies belonged to the restricted Jewish country club, Hillcrest, and he played twice as much golf at Hillcrest, as a guest, as he did at his own club. He spent more time there than many of their members. And not only for golf. The food was great. When the Hillcrest Board of Governors decided they ought to do the right thing by admitting non-Jews, of course Thomas immediately asked about getting in. Regularizing, you might say, his de facto membership. After deliberating at their next meeting, the Board turned him down. Thomas said they told him they didn't want for their first non-Jewish member someone who LOOKED so Jewish. True story.
> > > *8o, > 8 : 8 > 8 : 8 > 8 : 8 |~~\_____/~~\__ | > -cfbd- 8 : 8 _____________________ \N1____====== )-+ > 8 : 8 ~~~|/~~ | > 8 : 8 () > 8 : 8 > ,8o,"' aircraft by > // -Wil Dixon- > ~~ > > > > "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a bananna." > > - Groucho Marx > > > NO,no, Your picture betrays the brilliant play on words that Groucho is making Fruit doesn't fly like a banana, that's not what he's saying! He's saying- Time (noun) flies (verb) like (prep; in the manner of) an arrow (o.p.) Fruit flies (noun; Drosophilae Melanogaster) like (verb; enjoy) a banana (d.o.) that is: Time does fly in the manner of an arrow; Drosophilae enjoy a banana. Only that's not funny. So please, even though it's cool, don't draw a banana behind an airplane. -rick (no, i can't pronounce Melanogaster) -- --rick
August Nelson saw Elvis, then told rec.humor of a vision: >If I'm not mistaken, he was speaking, if in fact he spoke, of the >Hillcrest Country Club, the top Jewish country club in LA/Hollywood. Close, but not quite. Groucho was the first Jew ever invited to join this particular club. Which made his remark more biting than it sounds like to modern ears. Back in those days, there was no such thing as a Jews-only country club. Still isn't, come to think of it. By the time Danny Thomas started golfing at the Hillcrest, they had opened the club up to anyone with the $$ to pay the dues. ================================================================ | how...@chaos.ub.com | | "I have the heart of a little child, and the brain of a genius | | -- and I keep them in a jar under my bed" | ================================================================== | Anatomically Correct Bulletin Board (408) 733-7429[Adults only] | ==================================================================
> > *8o, > > 8 : 8 8 : 8 > > 8 : 8 |~~\_____/~~\__ | > > -cfbd- 8 : 8 _____________________ \N1____====== )-+ > > 8 : 8 ~~~|/~~ | > > 8 : 8 () > > 8 : 8 > > ,8o,"' aircraft by > > // -Wil Dixon- > > ~~ > > "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a bananna." > > > > - Groucho Marx > > Fruit doesn't fly like a banana, that's not what he's saying! > > He's saying- > Time (noun) flies (verb) like (prep; in the manner of) an arrow (o.p.) > Fruit flies (noun; Drosophilae Melanogaster) like (verb; enjoy) a banana (d.o.) > > that is: > Time does fly in the manner of an arrow; Drosophilae enjoy a banana. > Only that's not funny. So please, even though it's cool, don't draw a banana > behind an airplane. > > -rick (no, i can't pronounce Melanogaster) ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ MEL-AN-OH-GAS-TER (D is optional) "Oh, you're no fun anymore..." -Monty (nickname) Python (am-ih-null:snake) Try loosening your shorts... Captai Nitpick... Is that *you*? Nah- not The Cap'n 's style. /\ // \ // \ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ // \ ~ "Just as I am astonished that a bank clerk ~ //======/\ ~ never eats a cheque, so too am I astonished ~ \ / / ~ that no painter before me ever thought of ~ \ / / ~ painting a soft watch." ~ \ / / ~ -Salvador Dali ~ \/ / ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ \/ ...Lenism rules...
>If I'm not mistaken, he was speaking, if in fact he spoke, of the >Hillcrest Country Club, the top Jewish country club in LA/Hollywood. There is a quote at the beginning of "An evening with Groucho Marx" (a old record I chanced upon in a used record store.) The narrator (who is about to introduce Groucho) relates a story where Groucho had accompanied some friends (with his daughter) to a restricted country club. When Groucho appeared to be about to enter the pool, someone from the management approached him and asked (since the club was restricted) that Groucho not swim. Groucho apparently replied with, "Well what about my daughter, she's only half-Jewish. Can she go in up to her knees?" Adam Benjamin
Try the following, you have to search a bit, but there are some gems out
there!!
http://www.tamu.edu/~ftp/pub/Unix/
An amateur thinks it's really funny if you dress a man up as an old lady,
put
him in a wheelchair, and give the wheelchair a push that sends it
spinning down
a slope towards a stone wall. For a pro, it's got to be a real old lady.
-- Groucho Marx
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/ /\ \\/ /\ \\ / /\ \\ | || | ||
/ // \ v // \ \\ / /==\ \\ | || | ||
/_// \_// \_\\/_/_/ \_\\ |_|| |_||
This is a baby sig, that hopes to grow into a big,
powerful and funny sig. mat...@christie.relay.ucm.org
August Nelson (Gus...@ix.netcom.com) wrote: : In which connection, Danny Thomas appeared on the Johnny Carson show at : the time with the integration movement was big in the news. He belonged ---snip--- : When the Hillcrest Board of Governors decided they ought to do the right : thing by admitting non-Jews, of course Thomas immediately asked about : getting in. Regularizing, you might say, his de facto membership. : Thomas said they told him they didn't want for their first non-Jewish : member someone who LOOKED so Jewish. So they picked Sammy Daves Jr.
In article <3kp87i$4h...@ixnews2.ix.netcom.com>, Gus...@ix.netcom.com (August Nelson) says: >>" I resign. I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me >> as a member " >> >> - Groucho Marx ( Attributed ) >After deliberating at their next meeting, the Board turned him down. >Thomas said they told him they didn't want for their first non-Jewish >member someone who LOOKED so Jewish. >True story. Quite poignant too considering the current state of affairs between Israel and Lebanon, since Danny Thomas was Lebanese. . . . Thanks for the Groucho post; I needed a good laugh today. . . . MJ
Mary and Amani Jacobs, U45...@uicvm.uic.edu write: >Thanks for the Groucho post; I needed a good laugh today. . . . Well, here's a few more I've collected: " I resign. I wouldn't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member " " Blood's not thicker than money. " ( Double Dynamite ) " Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. " ( A Day at the Races ). "Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did. " ( Duck Soup ). " I cannot say that I do not disagree with you. " "Room service? Send up a larger room" "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana." -----Interruption----- You know, like this: > > *8o, > > 8 : 8 8 : 8 > > 8 : 8 |~~\_____/~~\__ | > > -cfbd- 8 : 8 _____________________ \N1____====== )-+ > > 8 : 8 ~~~|/~~ | > > 8 : 8 () > > 8 : 8 > > ,8o,"' aircraft by > > // -Wil Dixon- > > ~~ <chortle, chortle> Oh, sorry... ObNonGrouchoQuote: "And Now, Back to Our Show", Rocket J. Squirrel ----------------- "I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book." 'Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?' "The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open." "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children? Mrs. Smith: Yes, thirteen. Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden? Mrs. Smith: Well, I love my husband. Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. "Outside of a dog, books are a man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." ---Steve -------- Steve Cutchen If we always do what we've always done, scu...@arco.com we'll always get what we've always got...
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