Re: Nerd Boy, episode 255

On Sun, 28 Jul 2002 15:06:23 +0200, llizard wrote:

> In article <ahualj$10gfjm$1...@ID-102694.news.dfncis.de>, "Joaquim G�ndara"
> <cla...@lords.com> wrote:
> 
>>"llizard" <lli...@NOPOLLUTIONwildmail.com> skrev i meddelandet
>>news:iuh...@4ax.com
>>> In article <ahkpku$u2viv$1...@ID-102694.news.dfncis.de>, "Joaquim
>>> G�ndara" <cla...@lords.com> wrote:
>>> [snip]
>>> >                    The only thing you          Oh yeah? Fine! ever
>>> >                    do is heckle me.      I've had enough
>>> >                      I've had enough!         of -you too-!
>>> >                  ,,,          `               ,
>>> >                  '..           OO          ~--
>>> >                  .||.         <||>         ->>-
>>> >         _________ || _________ bb _________ |\ _____
>>> >
> [snip]
>>>
>>> This seems so out of character for Mandy. I would have thought her
>>> response would have been an uncaring "What? Oh...  Okay... Bye."
>>>
>>> But then perhaps you'd have to revise the third panel as well.
>>
>>Hmm, I might be guilty of the age-old "author to audience dialogue"
>>mistake. I guess I simplified to get the pacing I wanted. However, your
>>line sounds too much like Mandy feels feeble and defeated.
>>
>>                    The only thing you
>>                   ever do is heckle me.
>>                     I've had enough!         Whatever!
>>                 ,,,          `               ,
>>                 '..           OO          ~--
>>                 .||.         <||>         ->>-
>>        _________ || _________ bb _________ |\ _____
>>
>>That might do it, but I'm still not satisfied with it.
> 
> That certainly wasn't the impression I was aiming for. I was trying for
> a disinterested sounding "What? Oh..." followed by a cheery sounding
> "Okay... Bye." (I got that VERY response when after much agonizing, I
> told someone I was dating that I didn't like the way I was being treated
> and that we should stop seeing each other.)
> 
> But as you have pointed out, the tone doesn't come out. How about:
> 
>                     The only thing you
>                    ever do is heckle me.
>                      I've had enough!         Works for me...
>                  ,,,          `               ,
>                  '..           OO          ~..
>                  .||.         <||>         ->>-
>         _________ || _________ bb _________ |\ _____
> 
> Note that in this version, Mandy's eyes are open, showing that she is
> her usual uncaring self.

I don't know if this is off-character, since I don't know them that
 well. (at episode 85, still reading). The way I picture the relation
between Mandy and Nerd boy, is that he is just a toy or amusement to her,
which easily can be replaced.

                    The only thing you          
                    ever do is heckle me.     Allright!  
                      I've had enough!       I'll find someone else.
                  ,,,          `               ,
                  '..           OO          ~..
                  .||.         <||>         ->>-
         _________ || _________ bb _________ |\ _____


                                   Wow. That was so easy!
                 ,,,             ,  Now someone else will get heckled.
                 '..           O0   She won't heckle.....me??
                 .||.         .||.
          _______ || _________ dd ________


The pause is in the last sentence, where he realizes what he was for her.
(one eyebrow raised, as in a thoughtful surprise) Got that idea from 
Calvin (in calvin and hobbes)

Goes well with the original conclusion I think.

                               She's gone FOREVER now! YOU
                               RUINED MY LIFE! I'LL KILL YOU!
                  ,,,            ,
                  'oo          @@
                 -((-          -\\.
         jg_______ \\ _________ dd ________


/xlo

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