IN TODAY'S NEWS

 IN TODAY'S NEWS_______________________by JRO
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||_____________________________Oglesbee/2000|

Toucan Sam, beloved of children all over America,
and long-time icon and salesman for Kellogg's
Fruit Loops was returned to the wild in the
jungles of Costa Rica, today. After an extended
Animal Rights court case, fraught with appeals
leading all the way up to the Supreme Court,
Animal Activists finally succeded in forcing
Kellogg's to release Sam, a Toco Toucan, back
into the wild. "Sam now has a chance for a real
life of his own", Rodney Rabid, Animal Rights
leader remarked.

Ornithologists disagree, a Kellogg's spokesperson
contended. "Sam's and old bird, who has never lived
in the wild before. His diet for the last 50 years
has consisted entirely of Fruit Loops."

Upon release, Sam is reported to have taken one
look at a mango and said, "I can't eat this shit.
Where the fuck is my chauffer?"

--
Jonathon R. Oglesbee


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