Re: Nerd Boy, episode 255

"llizard" <lli...@NOPOLLUTIONwildmail.com> skrev i meddelandet
news:iuh...@4ax.com
> In article <ahkpku$u2viv$1...@ID-102694.news.dfncis.de>, "Joaquim
> G�ndara" <cla...@lords.com> wrote:
> [snip]
> >                    The only thing you          Oh yeah? Fine!
> >                    ever do is heckle me.      I've had enough
> >                      I've had enough!         of -you too-!
> >                  ,,,          `               ,
> >                  '..           OO          ~--
> >                  .||.         <||>         ->>-
> >         _________ || _________ bb _________ |\ _____
> >
> [snip]
> >Did I mention that Tenacious D rocks
> [snip]
>
> This seems so out of character for Mandy. I would have thought her
> response would have been an uncaring "What? Oh...  Okay... Bye."
>
> But then perhaps you'd have to revise the third panel as well.

Hmm, I might be guilty of the age-old "author to audience dialogue"
mistake. I guess I simplified to get the pacing I wanted. However,
your line sounds too much like Mandy feels feeble and defeated.

                    The only thing you
                   ever do is heckle me.
                     I've had enough!         Whatever!
                 ,,,          `               ,
                 '..           OO          ~--
                 .||.         <||>         ->>-
        _________ || _________ bb _________ |\ _____

That might do it, but I'm still not satisfied with it.

> While I understand that you like the "two seconds later" voice over,
> it kind of takes away from the flow. Without the voice over, we really
> would get the sense of the immediate segue from Nerdboy's thrill of
> success to his anguish.

No. I think that wouldn't work at all; it feels too much like Nerd Boy's
line just continues into the next. This is my impression of that.

                  ..Thank you, Fan Boy!
                 She's gone FOREVER now! ...
                       ,
                     OO
                     -\\.
                      dd

Which makes NB's line in the third panel seem sarcastic. It's just not
as clear without the voice over, which indicates a slight pause.

>         ___  ??      (I wonder what "Tenacious D" is...)
>       _/   |===%^,
>      |_____|  __\/>
>        ---  ==     >
>      [_ejm_]     __>,^
>       |   |     //| |

It's a folk rock band.. or something. It's a kind of two man comedy act
slash rock band combo.

--
 OO  Joaquim G�ndara  |  Official Nerd Boy site:
.||.                  |  http://nerdboy.port5.com  (UK)
 bb  jg               |  http://nerdboy.xepher.net (US)

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