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Original Usenet message from alt.ascii-art, 5 Apr 1999.
"Help"...

"Help"...


    "Okay, cats! Today, we're gonna address
     a MUCH NEEDED subject: Help for all you
     geeks out there, wasting your lives on
     the damn box in front of your face, all
      on account of somewheres, you never
    did pick up no good advice, and ain't yet
     learnt the first thing about being cool."
                        /
               __\/___ /
              //\_____\
     _       /_(o)_(o)_\
     \\      (/  ___  \)
     /\\    __\ '\_/' /__
    /\ /\  /  \/\   /\/  \
     \/  \/      \_/      \
       \  \  |    . |_||   \
        \   /|         |   /
         \_/ |    .    |  / jro





  "Have no fear, though. You poor, dysfunctional
  folks have got ME! An' I'm gona try to he'p ya
  out. Belive me, you're gonna learn a thing or
  two, an' if ya listen well, I figger I kin help
     you to change your life for the better!"
                        /
               __\/___ /
              //\_____\
             /_(o)_(o)_\
             (/  ___  \)
            __\ '\_/' /__
           /  \/\   /\/  \
          /      \_/      \
         /   |    . |_||   \
         \   |         |   /
          \  |    .    |  / orj




        "Hey! Before we git too deep into
         the subject, here's a little thing
         ya ought to know... How many of ya
            ree-cog-nize what this is?"
                        /
               __\/___ /
              //\_____\
             /_(o)_(o)_\       _
             (/  ___  \)      |_|
            __\ '\_/' /__     //\
           /  \/\   /\/  \   /\ /\
          /      \_/      \ /  \/
         /   |    . |_||   /  /
         \   |         |\    /
          \  |    .    | \__/ jro




               __\/___
              //\_____\
             /_(o)_(o)_\       _
             (/  ___  \)      |_|
            __\   _   /__     //\
           /  \/\   /\/  \   /\ /\
          /      \_/      \ /  \/
         /   |    . |_||   /  /
         \   |         |\    /
          \  |    .    | \__/





         "Well, it's a Zippo. Handy thing
          for even geeks to know about...
         Now, I'm gonna take a sec or two,
           an' then we'll git into some
          SERIOUS advice for you folks..."
                        /
               __\/___ /
              //\_____\
             /_(o)_(o)_\       _
             (/  ___  \)      |_|
            __\ '\_/' /__     //\
           /  \/\   /\/  \   /\ /\
          /      \_/      \ /  \/
         /   |    . |_||   /  /
         \   |         |\    /
          \  |    .    | \__/ jro




                         __
                        (__)   __
        ...PUFF...           _( _)
              ...PUFF...    (___)
                           _
               __\/___  __(_)
              /       \(_  _)
             /         \(__)
             (\_______/)
            __/\_____/\__
           /  \_______/  \
          |  |            \
          |  |         |   \
          |  |         |___/
          \  |         |     jro




                                   _
    (...Blow that, you )          (_)__     __
  (cybersyphiltic morons...)  __   .'__`.  (_ )
        O                    (__) / /  \ \  (_)
         O             __         \ \__/ /
          O           (_ )    __   `.__.'
            o  __\/___ (_)  _( _)  (_)
              /  //   \    (_  _)
             /     //  \     (_)
             (\_______/)          ...PUFF...
            __/\_____/\__           ...PUFF...
           /  \_______/  \
          |  |            \
          |  |         |   \
          |  |         |___/
    jro   \  |         |




               "Okay, now back to the lesson.
                Number One: never drive anything
                with less than 300 horses locked
                under the hood. Forget all that
                crap about "Where Doo YOU Wanna
                Go Today?". YOU don't go anywhere
                on the World Wide Web. IT don't
                move. The only place you'll end
                 up by "traveling" on it, is
                  straight to some FAT CAMP."
                        /
               __\/___ /
              //\_____\
             /_(o)_(o)_\
             (/  ___  \)
            __\ '\_/' /__
           /  \/\   /\/  \
          /      \_/      \
         /   |    . |_||   \
         \   |         |   /
          \  |    .    |  / jro





            _))__
           (((()))\\\
           )o))))))_ \
   _______ \_(()))) \ \ __   "Now, on to Number Two..."
            _)(())))/ /                   /
           /\\))(()))/           __\/___ /
          / /()))))))           //\_____\
         / / ((()))))          /_(o)_(o)_\
         \ \_())))))           (/  ___  \)
          \ \)____(           __\ '\_/' /__
           \ /    \          /  \/\   /\/  \
           (/      \        /      \_/      \
           /________\      /   |    . |_||   \
           /  / |  |       \   |         |   /
   jro    /  /  |  |        \  |    .    |  /





            _))__
           (((()))
           )o))))))
   _______ \_(()))) _________         "Hhmmm..."
            _)(())))                      /
           /\\))(()))            __\/___ /
          / /()))))))           //\_____\
         / / ()(())))\         /_(o)_(o)_\
         \ \_()))))) /         (/  ___  \)
          \ \)____( /         __\   _   /__
           \ /    \_)        /  \/\   /\/  \
           (/      \        /      \_/      \
           /________\      /   |    . |_||   \
            |  | \  \      \   |         |   /
    jro     |  | /  /       \  |    .    |  /





                     "Look, maybe it's time you just faced
                     the facts. I can't help you sonsabitches,
                     anyway. You're geeks! If you weren't, you
                     you wouldn't be reading a newsgroup, would
                    ya? I'm afraid that I have some other matters
              _((__   to attend to, now. You sit there and "surf",
             (()))((    and I'll take care of this problem that's
            ((()))))(     came up here. Good luck to you... I'm
   ________ (((())))) _____   not gonna need any, myself."
            ((())))))                     /
           /()))(()))\           __\/___ /
          / (())))))) \         //\_____\
         / /(()))))))\ \       /_(o)_(o)_\       _
         \ \(()))))) / /       (/  ___  \)      //
          \ \)____( / /       __\ '\_/' /__    //\
           \ /    \/ /       /  \/\   /\/  \  /\ /\
           (/      \)       /      \_/      \/  \/
           /________\      /   |    . |_||  /  /
            |  ||  |       \   |         |\   /
    jro     |  ||  |        \  |    .    | \_/




Jonathon R. Oglesbee
oglesbee@
       mail.fullnet.net

Original message headers
X-Google-Language: ENGLISH,ASCII-7-bit
X-Google-Thread: f996b,c17274f3019c319f,start
X-Google-Attributes: gidf996b,public
From: "JRO" <ogl...@mail.fullnet.net-remove>
Subject: "Help"...
Date: 1999/04/05
Message-ID: <37092fdd.0@206.103.97.91>
X-Deja-AN: 463019643
Newsgroups: alt.ascii-art
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V4.71.1712.3
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