Re: She left me and I could do anything for her happiness...

Advice, preaching, etc. via a newsgroup is hard to get right,
even if it's possible to get it right at all. But, let's boil
it down.

She loved some guy extravagently.
He left her.
You loved her extravagently.
She left, becaue she couldn't reciprocate, even though
   you didn't ask that.

I imagine she tried, tried to see if she would come to love
you like that. Seems she couldn't find it. You know, she might
been put together differently, able to be quite comfortable
and content with a slightly lopsided love affair. Turns out
she wasn't like that.

Can't say what she's really after. There's all sorts of
folks. It might be worth considering that her previous thing
and her thing with you were kind of the reverse of each other.
 From what you tell, she may well have recognized your role in
the relationship to be her role in her old relationship. That
sort of thing can be like a cloud hanging over a relationship.
I know you wouldn't ask her to have to keep one eye on that
cloud to stay with you.

It hurts - real bad. There's no real quick fix for it, but the
cold wind blowing through your guts will one day subside.
I think that about all we can do with these things is to use
them to come to a better and better relationship with
relationships.

One of those things is the realization that relationships
never end, but they do change. Her relationship with her
ex didn't end. Maybe, though, it needs to change some more.
Your relationship with her didn't end, but it sure changed.

This next part is the dangerous part, because it can lead
to false hopes and expectations, bad goals, in other words.

I don't know if it's possible, but perhaps the two of you can
talk.  Not with any goal of getting back
together. Just with the idea that there's a lot that can be
learned by open sharing of thoughts. It might not be possible,
if you can't come to some reasonable acceptance that the
relationship has changed. If you can't, she'll see it and
back off from it. Really, the goal of talking together is
to make the relationship a good one, not necessarily the one
you think you want, but the one you need. She sounds caring
enough to do that for you, so long as you're not trying to
shape the relationship but trying to learn about what shape
it's supposed to take.

E-mail direct, if you want to talk about it. Or not. Relationships is 
something I've done a lot of personal work on.

(The group is probably getting bored. We haven't even coughed up
an ascii-art broken heart. <g> )
-- 
                          Gerald Clough
                         clo...@texas.net
     "Nothing has any value unless you know you can give it up."

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