they said you were th head witch ( messages of luv )

they said you were th head witch ( messages of luv )
+++

well there ya go
i was writin about her
well this morning


and she started messagin again
this arv

we might meet over chrissie sometime

know each other well


ah babe
i am sorely missing you


+++


"What if th other one starts messagin ?"

dont hold yur breath

+++


she sent hellos from th girls across th way jennifer
"when i can afford it ok"

+++

not today

+++

had a few drinks with  th girls
dancin with amanda one night

morticia's already climbed in bed

waiting for me


you'll get in trouble paulie

oh i've done much worse
i think it'll be alright

+++


th master hasnt been home for a while
nine or ten months

we been here before

+++


tend to screw at xmas
can we hold off ?


we screwed last xmas

cute bum
and magic as


hmmm


+++


and for a change
not violent
well not to me


+++



one of th few

mostly i go out with

violent femmes


+++


morticia is a counselour
fucked if i know how ya spell 
it




"or care"

"this isnt a fuckin compiler"

+++


how many relationships i had with that girl ?
"i thought it was one extended one"

+++



could we do it again ?
she has a habit of breaking my duck

+++


i dont wanna screw chicks
or guys


cuddle will be just fine


but she nailed me

+++


i asked for catwoman to call me

morticia's fuckin sensitive
ah no
i dont think so

hi paulie

+++

so
i wonder if morticia's comin
to see her sister in brisbane

this xmas ?


i did tell her
little brother's leavin home later this yr


doggie style in th lounge room
could be a bit of a problem

with our two and a half men deal

here


+++


then again
she mighta fallen in love again
with another guy
this one's gunna be th one

we've both done it

couple of times

thing about a long distance

weekends or worse
romance

is it can wear those things

we're still friendly

what

four yrs now


stopped
started again

couple of different ways


had some fun times

+++


i got  a smile on my face


+++



thanks babe


+++


i dunno
every time i return
the reception's nicer


was nice to start with

+++

ya been in my mind too

+++



ya wicked girl


+++




tryin to coax this chick into bed with us
so close

some of yur lady friends are umm

well you fuck em
you know


+++


tuesdays are hard for me

i dont have to stand there
and watch th tennis games

but i can imagine


i still wanna watch one one time

+++


less of course
yur not talkin anymore


girls across th way
have got th same names


some of them all girl parties

now i ask you 


i'm a boy right ?

there was some confusion


i've gone a bit more boy

look out

+++



it comes and goes


+++


i just get stoned and pissed
and go along

+++


certain valiant driver shall remain nameless

but very sexy

+++

many's th time
morticia and i have

just drooled

+++


"i wanna see amanda"
leanne

"We beg to differ"

see em both

+++


if im not screwin any
i cant get into trouble right ?

+++



amanda is a legend


+++

yellin at this guy in th complex

well if ya dont pull yur head in
i'm not gunna give ya any more of my girfriends to screw

he'd had two

drink bourbon with amanda
and just watch life go by


wanna dance ?

+++


leanne moved in a little bit later
we get along

like talkin bikes
easy for me

morticia lay there
takin pointers she said

while we talked


yeah ok


like ya fooled either of us




but we all had fun

+++


more than a couple times
soem delectable creature
came thru th door

to find me naked on th verandha
gettin th breeze


ah hi


+++


dont mind me
just livin in th past
which so far has kept turning out to be

the present


+++


there's one girl i wanna see
very fond of
lovely person

+++


spend a weekend with morticia

leave well drained
relaxed
happy

been so long together
we look feel and probly behave
like a married couple


for th first five minutes anyway
we both got a wicked sense of humour

+++


and she fucked me in th doorway of a nightclub
you;re not gunna forget her

are ya ?


bouncers just stood there


haha

+++


out of it street entertainer


+++


"wizard man"


+++



i wrote about it in my online diary at th time

and told some friends
and didnt tell em it was morticia

man


you go back and tell em it was me


ok babe

it was definitely morticia

+++


arguin with me that she fucked me

and i said
as ya do


who fingered who first ?

and she shut th fuck up


there are other ways though
of keepin her quiet


+++


i'm thinkin of ya babe

+++


specially that first time
you love tellin that story

+++


i'm gunna resist today
suck shit


+++


did i mention
morticia used to drain me senseless
before i wandered over to sabrinas place to crash th night

on a sunday night

we just slept together
no hanky panky

well mostly

ya sublimate


+++


and her friend lee kept takin me
dirty dancin


so did sabrina


and morticia

and a couple others of th girls

some i'm not supposed to mention

so i
dont

you know



+++


we're havin a  dance party at leannes
you wanna come ?


well i look like a guy and i dance
ok

arent you gettin lithe ?
where's my cuddle girl ?

here get this into ya

+++


where's my chrissie call lee ?
you dont have a phone in th cottage

tryin to put a trip together


+++



bounce around a couple of houses and make my way down into mexico
to see ya

sorry

new south wales

forgot
we're not prejudiced anymore

we're all growed up

+++



do i dare
bop

my way
thru a couple of th magic lady's houses

on my way to lee's


?



hmmm


+++

i think i know what i'm doin

dont really matter

but um

promises to be fun anyway

+++


i know this bunch of chicks

oh

sorry

wrong audience


+++


as ever
i think of one of th other
witches of eastwick

morticia's radar goes up


she was well named


and cute
did di mention cute ?

+++


cant think of her
without thinking about you

and vice versa

for at least th three of you

we did have fun though


fuck we had fun

+++


morticia looked after my body
th other girls just dragged it everywhere

occasionally
id stay home for th weekend
no busking
singing drumming unicycling


in th beginning

id come in th door at five am

for a date


been singin all night


say gday
and wander in to th shower to scrub off th facepaint
completely stuffed

and still singin

out of it


wander into bed
tell th cat to behave himself
and not piss all over it again


and get frisky with morticia


girl in a million


and i'd probly danced with three of her girlfriends that night
and spoken to one in a gents toilet



i apologize ok

i got a bit freaked out

you would have too


at th time
my best doctors advice was

have a sexchange man


ouch



little too popular as a boy
what choice have i got ?


ya see ladies

ya kept pullin me off

th unicycle


and that was a no-no


cause th unicycle kept my nuts

comfortably numb

and ya pull

do this

do that


excuse me

i got my body to look after



pay th price
to play with paulie

or schedule me time

to ride


dont just grab me

and bolt


like ya's have done
in th past


pls


+++


i felt like a


ping pong ball
and i found i was

livin in five houses


and in all of em
pretty well
they all introduced me as


the unicycle man


not paulie



jane did th same thing
i;d get an hour and a half on th unicycle
insufficient

and she wouldnt listen to a word


come and do this paulie




when you treat me seriously
then i 'll treat you th same
respect my testicles
or hand me th drugs

+++


nice bein unique
ya have to stand up sometimes

and say

go and get fucked


before ppl will listen to ya


but my government
understands
that they cant schedule meetings with me
and a woman

in a closed room
without sex


torture
and i'll sue

hypersensitive testicles 
read my fucking file


i decide
what women i let hurt me


nobody else

+++



i stayed three days with lee
without sex

in a  freezing little cottage
which is just insane


she was stressing about this boyfriend
she hadnt seen in a  while


and i was just too stoned to take care of my body
i love th chick
ya know

what brains ?


ya witchy woman


and ya even offered me a chick

fuckin hell



just besotted
"very stoned so ya couldnt feel it much till th end"


then th car motor died goin home

walk home light came on


was in a quandary

which direction do i walk ?


+++


i climbed out of a bedroom at morticias
as jess walked in th door


th smell of sex
in th air


drinks
small talk
a coffee

later


im at sabrinas place
couple of hours later
givin her a foot massage
and we're both gettin off


wet as

and jess was moved to
comment on th luv

th three of us had


then morticia popped her head in
for a brief but memorable visit

and yeah

there was lots of love


that time jess

when ya ran into th boys toilets
after id just pedalled in on th unicycle

and th things ya said
you are a funny chick

+++


jess went to college with
sabrina and morticia

+++

hey morticia
when we took sabrina
to get her hair done

+++


we loved that girl

+++


i got some fond memories to take with me to th bath
do a bit of meditation

then a bit of stretching

ease th

aches and pains
that th unicycle is responsible for


and relax


+++



miss u girls
.
.
.

the unicycle man

+++

p.s.


hmmm

+++

i got other things to miss tonight
besides th fortitude valley

+++


time for a walk in th bush


while it's still light


some moon up if i fuck up


nice livin on th edge
ya dont have to go too far to find bush...