Wrong group but was on the same disk. :) humor

Dan Wilson wrote:
> 
> AN ACCIDENT REPORT   by ANON of NEW WESTMINSTER, B.C.
> ___________________________________________________________________
> 

Now THAT is FUNNY!!!



       `   `       `    `
         `     `      `
       `   `  \/////      `
              < oO >   `          Paul Applewhite
       `      /""""\      `
          .oO/\____/\Oo. `        Sheffield University
        `    ( \__/ )     `
            =|\____/|=    `       ELP96PFA_AT_Sheffield_DOT_ac_DOT_uk
       `      \|\\|/    `
           `   |//|  `    `
        `      '..'     `  always bleedin' rainin'

Dan Wilson wrote:
>
> AN ACCIDENT REPORT   by ANON of NEW WESTMINSTER, B.C.
> ___________________________________________________________________
>

Did you know the irish tune "Why Paddy's Not At Work (Excuse Note)" from  Pat
Cooksey?


Why Paddy's Not At Work (Excuse Note)
(Pat Cooksey)

Dear Sir I write this note to inform you of my plight
And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight
My body is all black and blue, my face a deathly gray
I write this note to tell why Paddy's not at work today

While working on the fourteenth floor, some bricks I had to clear
And to throw them down from off the top seemed quite a good idea
But the gaffer wasn't very pleased, he was an awful sod
He said I had to cart them down the ladder in me hod.

Well clearing all those bricks by hand, it seemed so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below
But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
That a barrel full of building bricks is heavier than me.

So when I had untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead
And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead
I took off like a rocket and to my dismay I found
That half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

Well the barrel broke my shoulder as on to the ground it sped
And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with me head
I held on tight, though numb with shock from this almighty blow
And the barrel spilled out half its load fourteen floors below

Now when those building bricks fell from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel so I started down once more
I held on tightly to the rope as I flew to the ground
And I landed on those building bricks that were scattered all around.

Now as I lay there on the deck I thought I'd passed the worst
But when the barrel reached the top, that's when the bottom burst
A shower of bricks came down on me, I knew I had no hope
In all of this confusion, I let go the bloody rope.

The barrel being heavier, it started down once more
And landed right on top of me as I lay on the floor
It broke three ribs and my left arm, and I can only say
That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.


-- 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Andreas Bock
And...@erl9.siemens.de
------------ Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. ------------

AN ACCIDENT REPORT   by ANON of NEW WESTMINSTER, B.C.
___________________________________________________________________

        I am writing in response to your request for additional 
information in block number three of the accident reporting form. I put
quote - poor planning - unquote as the cause of my accident. You said
in your official letter that I should explain more thoroughly, and I
trust that the following details will be sufficient.

        I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was
working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I
completed mu work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks
left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to 
lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was
attached to the side of the building at the top floor.

        Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung
the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to 
the ground and I untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow
descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 
11 of your accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds.

        Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly,
I lost my presence of mind and I forgot to let go of the rope.
Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of
the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming
down. This explains the fractured skull and the broken collarbone.

        Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping
until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the
pulley. 

        Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind
and I was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain. At
approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of
the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately fifty pounds. I refer
you again to my weight in block number 11 of your form. As you might
imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

        In the vicinity of the third floor, which I was getting to hate
the sight of, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two
fractured ankles and the damage to my unmentionables as well as to the
lacerations of my legs and body.

        The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my
injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately only
one brick needed to be extracted. I am sorry to report, however, that
as I lay there on the bricks in excessive pain, unable to stand, and 
watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my presence
of mind and I let go of the rope.

        Fortunately I was still wearing most of my hard hat when
the barrel returned to the ground, as this surely avoided a loss-time
injury.
 
                                                    Anon.

In article <35B...@geocities.com>, 
Andreas Bock <lad...@geocities.com> writes:
>Why Paddy's Not At Work (Excuse Note)
>(Pat Cooksey)
>
>Dear Sir I write this note to inform you of my plight
>And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight
>My body is all black and blue, my face a deathly gray
>I write this note to tell why Paddy's not at work today

 This is also famously told as a prose story
 by Gerard Hoffnung.



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O |   Who Drowned the Judge's Dog?          | . . . . . . . '----. 0 | O
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L |{a href="news:alt.religion.scientology"}{/a}_____________|/_______| L
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