Original Usenet thread from alt.ascii-art, started 2 Jun 1999.
Some Fish
alt.ascii-art
· 5 messages · 2 Jun 1999 - 7 Jun 1999
This is a text zine that I put together for my website. I tried to
illustrate it with some ascii art, but most people didn't get it. They
thought that their computer was going wonky.
Any suggestions other than to tell them to view it in a fixed width font?
===============================================
the Dream Anvil presents:
\ �
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\ � ���������/
~~^~~~^~^�~~~^~~^~~~^~~^~~~~^~~~~^~~~
�
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� PHISH FOOD PIE
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�--{_� ��
~�
Contents:
� A Thought on Politics
� Aquarium Moment
� Marco Polo
a cautinary tale
� Painted Boy
a narrative poem
� 2 bits
What's New at the Dream Anvil
� Phish Food Pie
diabetics beware
� Mr. Carp and Friends
silliness
�
�
� _�__ /
/� � --__�=
2_._ __- \
A Thought About Politics W
When I was young, my mother used to play with my
mind. She would often offer me the opportunities to
make my own choices. She would present me with a
list of options and I would choose from them. "You
can see Bambi or Star Wars."
One day I chose an option she didn't offer. "You
could take Chemistry or Trigonometry."
"I want to take Oil Painting."
"You can't do that."
"Why not? You said it was my choice."
She got very upset.
I think the world of politics is very much like Mom.
�
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� �
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Mr. Carp and Friends
part I
"Party of three, please."
"uh.... You're a fish...."
"Yeah, so? Isn't this place named 'Fish and Friends?' I'm a fish.
These are my friends. Get us a table."
"uh.... Yes sir, but we.... um.... SERVE fish in here. We don't...
serve... fish here."
"You know, son. I think this is a lawsuit waiting to happen."
�
� _�__ /
/� � --__�=
2_._ __- \
W
AQUARIUM MOMENT:
INSIDE the national aquarium:
the group's moved on to the whales, sam.
what's the matter, forget about US?
i'm ALL alone, mike.
all you're gonna see
in that pool
IS THE REFLECTION of your ugly face.
she was the best part OF me.
EVERYONE WE are with changes us.
often our missing them is about
the parts of ourselves we
HAVE lost because they are not there
to bring them to the surface anymore.
i don't think i will EVER be whole again.
you were whole before you met her, man.
the fact that you
LOVED her doesn't make you any less,
it shows your promise to be more.
� �
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W
�
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Mr. Carp and Friends �--{_� ��
part II ~�
"Would you like an apetizer.... sir?"
"Yeah. We would like three orders of Escargot... on second thought,
we'll have the house salad. That's an awful lot of money to spend
on something that will be Escarwent tomorrow."
"....hm?"
"Snails always give me the trotts, and you don't want things to get
too runny when you have to breath where you crap."
�
�
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�--{_� ��
� ~�
�
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�--{_� ��
~�
This text E-zine is a companion to the Dream Anvil web-zine.
If you enloy it, feel free to forward it to a friend.
Check out the web site for comics, multimedia projects,
stories and digital art.
The current issue is called 2 bits and it contains:
� Meet Justice
A Flash comic featuring Psypher LaMonde
� The Magic Quarter
Help with your biggest decision
� El Guapo
Animated comic
� untitledYou
It will be the strangest thing you read
today. I promise.
� How to Make Flash Scroll
A tutorial
� The Flame
A Poetry in Motion project
Check it out at:
www.dreamanvil.com
�
__� �
�--{_� ��
~�
� �
Mr. Carp and Friends �-<����
part III �
"I'll have the Tuna Steak."
"ummm..... Wouldn't that be cannabilism? I mean, you ARE a fish...."
"What is it with you people and the 'You're a fish' line? Fish eat
fish all the time. You are a mammal, right?"
"I guess..."
"Is it cannablilism when you eat a hamburger?"
"No... But that's a cow..."
"I'm a Carp. That is a piece of Tuna. No relation."
�
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� /� � --__�=
2_._ __- \
W
MARCO POLO � �
A Cautionary Tale �-<����
���
Never play Marco Polo in the shallow end of a cement
pool. Trust me. I speak from experience.
When I was a kid, I was at my Grandmother's swimming
pool, and yes, my brother, uncle and I were playing
Marco Polo.
If you don't know how to play, the main idea is that
the guy who's it closes his eyes and can't open
them at all. This can be a blessing in those pools
prone to small children and/or high levels of
chlorine. Even though he is blind, he is still
responsible to tag someone. Fortunately he has one
great tool at his disposal: The word "Marco." When
he says that word everyone is supposed to answer
back "Polo."
I don't know why the inventors of this game chose
the great explorer as the subject for the rule, but
it does have a nice ring to it as kids are splashing
around. I suspect it was meant as one of those
constructive, educational type games, so you would
remember your history books as you played. Oddly
enough, it did the opposite for me. When I was in
history class, and we were talking about Marco's
voyages, I always wanted to go to the pool. I do
remember something about him going to China, but
that's the extent of it.
The one drawback to the whole "Marco" thing is that
when the not-it guys are under water they
1) don't hear you when you are saying it and
2) are not required to answer (this loophole
is designed to keep all the children from
drowning in the process of calling out a
historical figure's name).
This brings me to the reason why I say that you
should never play Marco Polo in the shallow end of
a cement pool.
The key to playing and getting the not-it guys while
they are underwater is to focus on your hearing.
That's what I had become adept at doing. I listened
as I strode powerfully against the water, both my
Brother and Uncle in front of me. Me yelling "Marco"
and them whispering "Polo." As we advanced into the
shallow end of the pool, me menacing and them
cowering, they both chose the age-old technique of
slipping gently and silently underwater.
I called "Marco." There was no response.
I knew I had only a moment to act.
I heard a gentle splash to my left, where my brother
had been standing just a moment before. I leapt like
a tiger at the sound.
There was a great flash of light, though my eyes
were still shut. They gently fluttered open and I
saw the sky through a rippling haze of blue that
burned my eyes slightly. Suddenly, I noticed that
part of the sky was changing color. The rippling
world was turning red as I faded away.
That was concussion number four, I think. I have had
a bunch since then and honestly I can't quite
remember them all.
�
�
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Mr. Carp and Friends
part IV
"What's this?"
"It's the Fish and Chips Platter, sir. That's what you ordered."
"Yeah, but these are potato chips."
"That's why it's called 'Fish and Chips.'"
"Son, everyone in the English speaking world knows that Fish and
Chips is a speciality of the cuisine of England."
"Yeah, so?"
"In England, 'chips' are french fries."
"You are in America now, mister. We fought the revolutionary war so
we wouldn't have to eat English food anymore. What do you think
the Boston Tea Party was all about? It was so we could exploit
cheap South American labor and have 'coffee breaks' instead of
'tea time.'"
�
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� /� � --__�=
2_._ __- \
W
Painted Boy
a poem by the Lazarus Wolf
There was a strange little gallery in Baltimore
It appeared every Tuesday at two-thirty-four.
And carried a collection that dazzled the mind
Such as paintings crafted by the hands of the blind,
And sculptures that mirrored the features of all,
And a glass tipping over but refusing to fall.
In it hung a painting of a boy in a scene
Of melancholy pastels. Pink grays and light green.
A woman came in and stared for a while,
Admiring the boy and the impressionist style
And for a moment she thought she saw him smile
But then she turned down another aisle.
The boy was bewitched by her beautiful grin
And hoped she'd return again to see him,
So long he sat in his quiet repose
Until emotion conquered serenity and action arose.
He climbed from the painting that he'd made complete
And walked out of the gallery and onto the street.
He looked for the woman and though many he'd seen
No one could compare to what she had been.
He searched through the city three days and three nights,
Awed by the buildings and bright neon lights.
But he knew he had lost her in the crowds moving by,
So finally he gave up, and sat down to cry.
And as pastel tears mingle with rain
They ran down the gutter and into the drain.
As the night ended in misty red dawn
He rose and went searching for a bed to lay on,
But no none would take him with no money or gold
And his out of focus features turned every face cold,
So he found for himself a laughable old coat
And he slept in the park, near the water and boats.
His museum was gone for Wednesday had come,
And he, lost and lonely, ate what was left over from
A nearby couples weekly young lovers brunch,
But he felt like a bruise in search of a punch.
A week he must wait, but how would he live?
And where was this woman and what could he give?
He wandered the streets 'till an old crone took him in
Whose eyesight was as fuzzy as his features had been.
And he worked for her with the joy of a louse
Fetching her groceries, cleaning her house,
Until it was Tuesday again at 12:33.
He quit and went running to where he should be,
But on his way he happened to pass by
The woman he'd seen who caused him to try
The adventure that lead through this ugly week,
So he opened his mouth and started to speak:
"Excuse me, Miss, but your beauty has drawn me
To this moment of purest serendipity.
I have sought for you for this whole week past
Hoping against hope that your mem'ry be fast."
"Yes, I remember you," She said with a grin.
"There was a painting somewhere that I saw you in.
It was certainly nice to pass on the street
But I must go now, for I've someone to meet."
With that she walked away once more
Leaving him standing hopeless and poor.
Slowly he turned and slowly he walked,
Anxiously staring at his slow moving clock,
Until his gallery opened and he ran inside
Up to the painting that had once been his pride.
He stared at the beauty and serenity within
But he noticed it wasn't what it once had been.
The space that was his he'd found had been filled
By a bush that liked as if something had spilled.
He stared and sighed a brief little moan
And wondered what he would do for a home.
So he left the old store on a cold sunny day,
Turned left and then slowly wandered away.
�
� _�__ /
� /� � --__�=
2_._ __- \ �
W __� �
�--{_� ��
~�
Mr. Carp and Friends
part V
"The bill comes to 53 clams sir... heh, heh"
"Hey! If there's gonna be any seafood humor around here tonight, I'll
be the one making the jokes!"
"Sorry. And how will you be paying for diner tonight, sir?"
"Will you take a Shell card?"
"Only major credit cards... Wait a minute! I get it!"
"You think that was a joke, boy? Wait till you wee your tip."
� �
/x\ /x\
Ʀ�� PHISH FOOD PIE ����
� n a recipe, an art form � �
\ � by Stephen � /
� �
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All Hail Ben and Jerry!
If you have not been introduced to the absolute
pinnacle of ice cream flavors, go out and treat
yourself to a pint of Phish Food. Named for the band
Phish, it is a rich chocolate ice cream with a real
marshmallow swirl and little fudge fishes swimming
around in it. It is almost a sacrilage to do anything
but eat it straight out of the container the way it
was meant to be, but I thought I would share one of
my most successful recipes with you.
Ingredients:
1 pint of Ben and Jerry's
Phish Food Ice Cream
1 Oreo pie crust
1 tub of Cool Whip,
extra creamy
1 bag of Reeses Pieces
The first thing you have to do is get the ice cream
soft enough to manipulate. Let it sit on the
counter for a while. Don't let it melt, but you
want to be able to form it's shape with your hands.
When it is soft, squish it into a flat, round shape
that will fit into the pie crust. It is important
that you don't squish it INTO the pie crust, or you
won't have a crust anymore. It will turn into ice
cream with black fuzz on it.
Lay the ice cream into the pie crust. Pour any of
the melted goo from the container over the ice
cream. This will freeze into position and fill
some of the gaps around the ice cream.
Now, in a bowl, mix half of the Cool Whip with as
many of the Reeses Pieces you think will fit into
the pie. When these are thuroughly mixed, pour it
over the ice cream and smooth it down as much as
you can.
Put the concoction into the freezer for a while.
When the Cool Whip is firm but not frozen, take it
out and use the rest of the Cool Whip to top it.
Let it sit for just a little while, until it is soft
enough to cut, but firm enough to stand up as a
piece of pie when set on a plate.
And now you have all the makings of a magnificent
sugar overdose!
� �
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/\
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__� �________�� ____�____________,� �_ __( /___________
^ ^ ^ ��
All material in this issue of the Dream Anvil Presents
is copyright 1998 by the Dream Anvil.
It was created by Stephen Schaffner
and the Lazarus Wolf
On Wed, 02 Jun 1999 00:19:42 GMT, "zero" <laz...@home.com> wrote: >This is a text zine that I put together for my website. I tried to >illustrate it with some ascii art, but most people didn't get it. They >thought that their computer was going wonky. > >Any suggestions other than to tell them to view it in a fixed width font? > > What site is it on? Send URL please. :) You can make them view it in fixedsys by using html code <P>. I don't have a computer for a brain so you can go to my site and cut and paste the code as I have used it there. It keeps my art from going floogy, at least with 'modern' browsers. ;) I'm still not sure how Veronica sees my site. :D http://members.xoom.com/ldb/ldbascii.htm Good luck and don't forget to send that URL, we want to see your page! Laura ||| _/T\_ ||| mailto:ldb...@midwest.net ||| \\|// ||| Freelance Writer and homesick Canadian ldb ||| '-|-' ||| http://members.xoom.com/ldb/ldbascii.htm
LDB wrote: > zero wrote: > >Any suggestions other than to tell them to view it in a fixed width font? > > What site is it on? Send URL please. :) Yes, send the URL, please. :-) > You can make them view it in fixedsys by using html code <P>. No. You can specify _a_ monospaced font with <PRE> (which stands for "PREformatted text", which is what ascii art is). Exactly what font is used is up to the reader to decide. > I'm still not sure how Veronica sees my site. :D It comes through as using a proportional font. Looking at your code I find this: <pre><font face="Fixedsys"> ... Please don't do this. If you are so much in love with FixedSys, use CSS to specify it instead. If you can find a <FONT> tag in your html then you know you've done something wrong. > http://members.xoom.com/ldb/ldbascii.htm http://www.ludd.luth.se/~vk/pics/temp/ldbascii.gif -- (, http://www.ludd.luth.se/~vk/cgi/asciichat/ /|__--__ . __--__ |\ '__ /|\ _{ _ `.' / `.,_ _________ | _________ _,.' (/ `. / ||``._.' ASCII ART CHAT! `---'|:||,/ .' /| /|:| \ .' /\ \ __ __ _ `/|'\' ` `,/ /`,\ \ \ / /__ _ _ ___ _ _ (_)__ __ _ /,'\ \ .'.' /| \ V / -_) '_/ _ \ ' \| / _/ _` | |\ `.`. ,' / / | \_/\___|_| \___/_||_|_\__\__,_| | \ \ `, - `- -- `-'- -ejm-------------------------------------VK-- -`-' -- -' -
.----- On Wed, 02 Jun 1999 00:19:42 GMT, zero posted:
|This is a text zine that I put together for my website. I tried to
|illustrate it with some ascii art, but most people didn't get it. They
|thought that their computer was going wonky.
|
|Any suggestions other than to tell them to view it in a fixed width font?
'-----------------------------------
Your use of extended ascii characters will make the pictures only look right
in Windows and perhaps DOS.
For maximum audience, stick to the following characters...
032 sp 048 0 064 @ 080 P 096 ` 112 p
033 ! 049 1 065 A 081 Q 097 a 113 q
034 " 050 2 066 B 082 R 098 b 114 r
035 # 051 3 067 C 083 S 099 c 115 s
036 $ 052 4 068 D 084 T 100 d 116 t
037 % 053 5 069 E 085 U 101 e 117 u
038 & 054 6 070 F 086 V 102 f 118 v
039 ' 055 7 071 G 087 W 103 g 119 w
040 ( 056 8 072 H 088 X 104 h 120 x
041 ) 057 9 073 I 089 Y 105 i 121 y
042 * 058 : 074 J 090 Z 106 j 122 z
043 + 059 ; 075 K 091 [ 107 k 123 {
044 , 060 < 076 L 092 \ 108 l 124 |
045 - 061 = 077 M 093 ] 109 m 125 }
046 . 062 > 078 N 094 ^ 110 n 126 ~
047 / 063 ? 079 O 095 _ 111 o
These should be the same on every modern computer system, and most old ones
too...
.--- Your thingy with some of the bad characters marked... --------
|
|===============================================
|
|
|the Dream Anvil presents:
|
| \ � <--- Bad
| __�\-�) _ � = Bad
| \ � ���������/
|~~^~~~^~^�~~~^~~^~~~^~~^~~~~^~~~~^~~~
| � <-- Bad (use | instead)
| � <-- Bad
|
| �
| � PHISH FOOD PIE
| � <-- Bad
| __� <-- Bad
|�--{_� �� <-- � � � � are all bad
| ~� <-- Overscore is bad
|
|
|Contents:
| .----------- This thingy is bad
| � A Thought on Politics
| � Aquarium Moment
| � Marco Polo
| a cautinary tale
| � Painted Boy
| a narrative poem
| � 2 bits
| What's New at the Dream Anvil
| � Phish Food Pie
| diabetics beware
| � Mr. Carp and Friends
| silliness
|
'-----------------------------
See?
You can find more information about ASCII Art in the ASCIIArt Documents
Archive. Since you don't have a host with a country code, I can't determine
the best ADA Mirror for you, but you can find a list of mirrors yourself on
my UK mirror: http://website.lineone.net/~martin.atkins/ada/
-Martin
|\/| _..__|_o._ /\_|_| o._ _ mart.atkins@--
| |(_|| |_|| | /--\|_|<|| |_> --bigfoot.com
Im looking for some Ascii of Stewie or Brian from the Family Guy.
Can anyone give me a hand?
Thanks
-Christina Zonak
##########################################################################
Just the superficial sort of icon that someone grounded too far
in 'reality' would think up. TURN UP THE FEED, YOU WIGGLY MEAT
THINGS! THIS IS THE NET! NOTHING'S REAL! YOU HAVE NO HEAD!"
- Rache Bartmoss
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