queensland drugs (dedicated to getting ppl out of it)

queensland drugs (dedicated to getting ppl out of it)
+++

a little known
quasi government
organisation

dedicatd to getting ppl

really out of it

+++


they'll deny it exists of course
like any secret organisation

ask em


+++



hi and welcome to queensland drugs
how can we help you ?

+++

i wanna get out of it man

+++


here ya go

+++

other drugs are inferior
you dont wanna smoke inferior drugs do ya ?


dickhead

+++


there's nuthin worse
than smokin inferior drugs

what we got here today ?

+++


fine texture
good burning properties
if anything
a little dry

cool smoke
satisfying

hits like a train

nice hammer stone


umm


what was th question ?


would go well in a blend

bugger

+++

for better results
blend yur drugs

three kinds of pot
makes for a

smooth stone

+++


the stoners bible

says all things are relative

+++



go hard ashanti

+++


just watchin rage

on th abc

we got it pretty good


maybe it's th good drugs

dont ask me to look ok

+++


so here we are
in sunny queensland
on this gorgeous weekend

wihtout enough money to get to th coast

sorry

the edge of th island

big fucker hey

australia


attitude man

+++


yeah
i coulda not bought drugs
aint talkin to chicks anywhere
straight

fuckem

+++


when ya respect my testicles
i'll take ya seriously

in th meantime

yur just a joke

+++


not a very funny one either
pissy

+++


more drugs over here


+++


wouldnt it fuckin rip ya ?

hash pipe maintenance time

+++

what a time for it to go down

+++


sorry kylie
got this weird image

i'll keep it to myself ok

+++



bit early in th day
to be laughin this hard


but they dragged me outta bed
to throw a couple washing macines
on th truck


doin a dump run


fuck is that th time

aint seen a saturday
this time of th mornin in a while
usually get home at dawn

interesting concept

and what do these ppl do ?

what
s that fucking noise ?


oh a mower

+++

i mowed day before yesterday
needs doin again

fuckin summer

+++


go hard delta
lucky th pictures fucked


if i wake up
havin a another sexdream about ya


i'm gunna commit myself

+++

or was that go out and get really pissed


give me a break brain

+++

"Stupid dick"

+++

th testicles rule
"unfortunately"

+++


they got no fuckin taste hey

no offense

+++


not sayin you;re not fuckable

+++


just

i mean



fuck

+++


i woke up with a hard
over delta goodrem

told an ex girlfriend

she got worried about me

ah come on paulie
no fuckin way


it's sick
i know


+++


i thought th fuckin name of th show was

RAGE

+++

gunna chuck a half brick at th telly in a minute

jeez i got fucked reception in here

+++



cant smoke downstairs


+++



"like i give a fuck"

+++



that's incredible
"th australian version is better"

"fuck hey"

+++


here in convict australia
we like to smoke drugs


while th cops are across th road
cant put all of us in jail

too many of us

+++


umm

pls dont put a warrant on me this weekend

that

little outstanding
fine


for runnin a red light at mdinight on my unicycle

im findin it hard

to take seriously

ok


and it was in
the fortitude valley

i'm still fuckin laughin man

cept they caught me for drugs too
ah well


these things happen

+++


fun bein a clown
seems to come out

+++


here at 
queensland drugs (dedicated to getting ppl out of it)

our goal is to get you off


finest kind
in th shortest possible time

dropbears notwithstanding
protected ya know


and indoor budgie hunting has been banned
i know

i'm sorry
they called it cruel

and inhumane


lettin 50 budgies go in a house

locked windows


and shotguns underarm


we'll find somethin else to amuse ya
while ya wait...

+++


PULL


+++


shit that was a princess parrot

all up th fuckin wall now
"sorry tarz"

+++


pretty colours

+++


not as good as a cockatoo though
"dont have one of them anymore"

bugger

+++


stupid fuckin bird

i put him on my shoulder

and got up on th unicycle

and they got a photo alright

+++


fuckin hell man

+++

just cause i nearly burned down yur 
blues brothers car


i dunno


+++


bobbie helped me ya prick
i wasnt entirely alone
and my mad bouncer girlfriend

punched both of us out

+++


we were just havin fun
and showered th blues mobile with hot glass


and half th crowd

+++


"shoulda been wearin sunnies"

yeah

+++


was a wild party anyway

+++



oops


+++

ah fuck
we've turned on her

i have to have my say about everything button


THUD


and i still married th bitch

+++



what fuckin business of yours was it ?

+++


when i went down
bobbie had a bite

and he went down too



but hten

we were just payin karma

cause we did use to sit there

and drink tequila
and commentate

when she dragged boys out th back

and beat th livin shit out of em




that's my girlfriend
let's not annoy her

yeah right

+++


we deserved it bobbie

+++


fuck she was tough

+++


dont fuck with me or ill job ya


but kiwi

i dunno

kiwi chicks seem to like beatin up guys

had a few


+++

sheryll wa sa kiwi

sorry

mad kiwi

sory

mad irish kiwi

sorry

she said 

mad irish


she's a fuckin kiwi



grabbed me by th fro
and wouldnt let go

and just off it
and launch for th window


got my head stuck in th window
chopped th hair off

not givin you purchase again

still growin back

like it half way

down my back


+++

i can hear a shitbox holden

a coommodore

if ya see a commodore

you should call out

hsitbox

but sdont do it with enthusiam

just real quiet

not worth strainin yurself over

it's only a shit box


no need to yell

+++


shitbox


+++


this guy last night

comes out int h dark
im ghoin to have a look at a commodore

surely joshie knows whats comin

i bag it

come on

at th end of th day

it'll still be a commodore


fight for yur car man
come on


was so lame

i said th least ya could do is reskin it



fuck man

+++


he's walked out to show me even

+++

i was creamin over th valiant
that joshie says is replacin his current one

got a soft spot

and had a real cute girlfriend

with a valiant


smile every time i think about it

lived with her for eighteen months

+++


actually she was violent too

threw

um

what was that bitche's name ?

mad stalker


anne


threw her against th wall at th pub
and told her to fuck off


that's my girl
nah man

she's doin zen do kai


uses me as a kickin bag
i do get padding but

just not thick enough

+++


go on hit me again bitch


fuck

hang on
im gunna have another stubbie

painkiller girl


ok
proceed


fuck

i think yur gunna pass yur black belt

+++


whoops

just went out th door


didnt have a good stance
went down three stairs



hello puppy dog

mummie kicked me outta th house



ya reckon if i tell her she's cute
she'll let me back in ?


hi babe

+++


what's that fuckin thud ?

"melinda's instructing some chick"
"in how not to look at her boyfriend"

oh ok
in th girls toilets

jeez i can pick em


+++


i wanna go home


+++



so i eded up doin

tae kwon do

and i wasnt goin otu with th chick

but she used me as her sparring partner


she was second dan
bl;ack belt

and beat her boyfriend up

couple of times


man th bruises


i shoulda really sat down with ya michael
instead of just walkin away


but ya left her eventually
i think that was wise


she could be vicious


personally
if iwas you
i woulda gone to kick her tits

cause they were big
and it's how i got outta trouble
when th fire got in her

cmon babe
dont kill me


its pitch black
and i took a  couple of big ones

WHACK

see i have learned a cuple things


THUD


oh great



help


is it time for smoko yet boss ?

+++



SMOKO


+++



if she came at ya
doin flyin backkicks

you were just fucked


i only really got one
target
and um


i cant use it


but um
i'd break that pelvic bone

if it was for real


im goin to ground

+++


pls dont hit me lady


+++


i have noticed

four year old girls
like to beat me up too


lots of guys get that

+++


queensland drugs (dedicated to getting ppl out of it)

+++


ok
i dig it


+++



th clown
gets th shit kicked out of em
by just about everybody

ya gotta have a good sense of humour

+++



i was fuckin morticia
and wal wandered into th bedroom

she was on top

so i guess she was fuckin me

sorry


dont want any confusion

and wal asked for apat

bein a male cat

and bein on her bed and all


and i said no mate

kinda servicin yur owner here

you go away now


so he aske dher

morticia
th head witch

if she'd give hima  pat

she was kinda busy

nearly there



bye bye pussycat

dont think she noticed


he walks around
her

gets on th other end
of th water bed

and chucks this huge piss

venting his spleen




ok mate

all down my back

whole bed's covered


operations have ceased


makes me wet
<<< Smile >>>



th lovely lady
was
confused
cause i wasnt angry

i was stoned

but


he just wanted affection
funny jealous cat

i went for a shower
have fun


we'll resume elsewhere
after we clean up

on th couch upstairs

with th guys next door watchin


ah morticia


loved yur cat
was really sad when they took th cats away
form yur units
feel for ya


big black bastard outside

fuck i'd cry


+++



i should get anther cat
i've mourned long enough

but i had th big ginger bastard
for a fuckin long time


that bouncer chick
th one i maried

handed him back

too wild


he lived with a few
different women

when elizabeth moved in
th other cat moved straight out


three little girls
thought it was a toy

wasnt a big cat

was nice though

mottley


had to name all my animals

a colour

or they die tragically


+++


had this little blue heeler puppie
and goin out with this chick
and she ran over it with a horse

ah man


my eyes were red
the pupils went blue

usually like

baby shit colour

or green

or brown

ah fuck they change



just um

leave

dont come back for a bit
let me calm down


go see yur oldies


i'll go smoke some cones

jesus fuckin wept

+++


they bought me a bird cage
for this


rainbow lorrikeet i had

gorgeous little parrot

used to sit i nmy fro

got a photo somewhere

here


id rescued him from my cat
who had him baile dup


ah no ya dont ginger

where it's mummie ?


hmm


ok



raised it


cool creatute

and we had a cockatoo int h hosue
and they were funny together

and they bought my little rainbow lorrikeet

a new cage
for me

for xmas


and we gave it to him xmas eve
a
nd

we go tup xmas morning
and a carpet python

was in th cage
with th bigger bars

which gave him more freedom

for a whole night

till swallowed by th snake
we killed it of course

it used to be a banana farm

more snakes than ya poke astic at

and when we  ripped out th bananas

th snakes stayed



give me a good xmas this year

i derserve it ya bastard

i made lotsa smiles this year

few scares too
balance

+++



hey santa
where's me fuckin bike ?

i've looked in all this other shit
and there's nuthin here i like


c'mon santa

dont be a bastard


+++


"fuckin jesus"
hi gorgeous

sorry
didnt mean to scare ya

"nearly rode over toes on that unicycle"

that's a nice giggle
infectious

let's see if we can get that guy to jump


<<< smile >>>

white boys do jump
it;s not just th girls


ah nag on

i rid ea mans bike

sorry man

havent got my thing down


beep beep





NO FUCKIN BRAKES



stupid nightclub


hi



nice taxi rank

stay



i'll give you a ride

hang on
i'll clean somewhere for ya  to sit


makes my bottom hurt just thinkin about it

you are a naughty boy

you are a naughty girl


sorry


gotta stop doin that



dont call pretty chicks boys ok



i dunno man
i got no confidence on th drum

not out of it anyway

i'll be watchin this chick

dirty dancin in front of me

to what im doin

and im like


fuck


and then gave me a kiss



who th fuck am i ?
how much drugs did i consume to get here ?



ah ok

no thtis weekend

show repsect


no
shark int h street
with th wizard hat


done up in a sharkfin
with a white pointer tip

young man taken yesterday
by two white pointers

which isnt funny


very sad for yur loss


and i feel very fortunate

i wasnt able to afford

to put my wizard character

with th whitetipped sharkfin unicycle hat

in th street this weekend

not even on thursday


th unicycle is magic
showin proper respect

no wizard

no public rides

anywhere
this weekend


not even afte rmidnight round th blcok
which is when i go 
when i wanna avoid ppl
doesnt work

no rides

sign of respect

i got ppl
callin
me

th shark

in th street


th shark is in mourning
because his watery brothers
were so 
voracious

as to treat ppl as food

i loved what th father had to say


a very warm man

+++

got my head down

kinda

i love my unicycle


but that sharkfin
is kinda identified with me

locally



have a good weekend

.
.
.

th shark

+++

p.s.


stretching time...