Dust Off Your Funny Bone
From John Nunley <nun...@goodnet.com>
· alt.ascii-art
· 12 Aug 1997 00:00 · View full thread
· report
Welcome To... _______ _
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| \_, This is a sample of the humor and art of The Funny Bone,
| | a free weekly e-mailing of jokes and funny stories, il-
| | lustrated with the original ASCII artwork of Joan Stark.
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The Funny Bone Bad Answer Man Presents...
.&&&&&&&&&&&&&.
Fashion Tips For The Very Poor .&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&.
.&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&.
Being penniless doesn't mean you &&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
have to dress without style. A &&&&&&&&&:&&:&&:&&:&&&&&&&&&&
smart girl finds high fashion &&&&&&&&:&'&''&&''&&'&:&&&&&&&&
lurking in any pile of cast-offs. .&&&&&&'(((((( ))))))'&&&&&&.
With a little pluckishness, hard &&&&&&'(/````\ /````\)'&&&&&&
work, and the keen advice of Ooze, &&&&:' `\ (_) ) \ ( (_) /` ':&&&&
you'll be the envy of every kid && ( :. '''''' \ `````` .: ) &&
on the block! &&\ \:::. ,__) .:::/ /&&
'&&\ `::: :::` /&&'
Two scrap 2 x 4s, available at any &&&`/\:` .-.-. `:/\`&&&
construction site, can be trans- .&&&( ) .'._,_.'. ( )&&&.
formed into a pair of hip, 70s- &&&&&&&&\ \` ` `/ /&&&&&&&&
style clogs with only a sharp &&&&&&&&&\ `---` /&&&&&&&&&
knife, wood glue, and some heavy &&&&&&&&&&`-._ _.-'&&&&&&&&&&
twine. The ultimate in plat- &&&&&&&&&&& `"""` &&&&&&&&&&&
form shoes! &jgs&&&&&&' '&&&&&&&&&
Chrome bumpers, split around the corners and accompanied by a lawnmower
grass pouch, can approximate that "tiny silver backpack" thing that's
really hot with the baby t-shirt and barrette set.
Like the cool, "keys on a janitor's chain" look that's so popular with
the club kids? Any metal gate, cut apart with a hacksaw can be wound
to your jeans to create that "workingman's" look for a bargain price.
If all the metal gates near your house are electrical, try shorting the
circuit with your kid brother!
Old toothpaste caps, cut in half and glued to your gums with epoxy, can
cover up any embarrassing gaps in your smile caused by rotting teeth!
Large plastic garbage bags can be cut into a variety of snug fitting
and sexy dresses for all occasions! Just make sure to make airholes in
the bag so you don't smell like a sweaty pig!
Gangrenous sores threatening to ruin your prom? A healthy dose of col-
ored electrical tape can cover them up in minutes. Tell your friends
you are wearing red tape to signify your support for AIDS victims.
They'll be so impressed with your social awareness, they won't notice
any tell-tale rotting!
Think of yourself as "Mr. Retro" but don't have the wallet to back up
the claim? Create your own JAMS, those colorful Bermuda shorts from
the Reagan era, by duct taping rotting vegetables to your thighs! Look
out, Spuds McKenzie!
Proud of your African heritage but too unskilled to weave a multi-
colored tapestry? Old bath towels, even those with "Roger Rabbit" or
"Pee Wee's Playhouse" insignias, can be cut into great African
dashikis!
Live in a shanty-town with no services? A fully-juiced car battery can
provide up to two hours of electrical power for your curling iron!
Professional tattoos are expensive, and homemade ones make you look
like you've spent a lot of time in jail. Now you can mutilate your
skin the discount way! Clods of dirt, colorful industrial chemicals,
and hunks of hot tar fresh off the summer street can be mixed together
and seared into human flesh to create exciting designs!
Want to look smart, but can't afford eyeglasses? Discarded jelly jars,
held together by a wire clothes hanger can make even the biggest dull-
ard look like an instant Pointdexter!
Funny Bone Reminder:
The Bad Answer Man's advice is not always the best advice, but, it *IS*
always *FREE* advice... So if you have a question for the Funny Bone
Bad Answer Man please e-mail it to...
adv...@funnybone.com
_ .-.
John Nunley <jok...@funnybone.com> ( `. .' )
`. ` /'
Write to <sub...@funnybone.com> to learn more | |
about the Funny Bone and to have subscription | |
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For more humor, visit the Funny Bone Website L_,)|
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ASCII Art by Joan Stark | |
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7373/ | |
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Original message headers
X-Google-Language: ENGLISH,ASCII-7-bit X-Google-Thread: f996b,af0f5cd1674800e1,start X-Google-Attributes: gidf996b,public From: John Nunley <nun...@goodnet.com> Subject: Dust Off Your Funny Bone Date: 1997/08/12 Message-ID: <33F...@goodnet.com> X-Deja-AN: 264534589 Organization: GoodNet Reply-To: nun...@goodnet.com Newsgroups: alt.ascii-art
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